GIVE ME ALL

The most difficult thing about giving all to God is risking or compromising your deep and personal passions, desires, and wildest dreams. We fear giving all to God because we feel if we do, our lives will be hard, boring, not what we planned, this isn't how it was supposed to go...

By giving all to God, we no longer have control. Scary. We feel insecure.

When we first choose to follow Christ, "giving all to God" usually means giving up certain worldly pleasures that we love or make us "feel good" for a fleeting moment. It usually doesn't take long to discover that those pleasures are warped or bad for us. When we give up these things, we realize how life is even sweeter without them, and our maturity and trust in Christ begin to grow. We know that those things must go.

“Christ says: ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work. I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut a branch here and a branch there. I want to have the whole tree down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked - the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give You Myself; my own will shall become Yours.”

— C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As we mature in our faith, we will then realize that simply giving up our sins and worldly desires is not enough. God wants more. He now wants even the things that are of Him. He wants to take some of our passions and kill them, because they are not for us. He wants to take some of our dreams and kindle them into a blazing fire, with no life circumstance in the world able to put it out and thwart the way.

THIS is for you. THIS is why I created you.

He has carved out the path to these dreams and the way is easy. The burden is light. If only we would trust that He is Good.

I want only what is best for you, child. I love you.

What has following Me cost you?

It has cost me following the ways of the world in exchange for better, more adventurous ways. It has cost my own plans for my future, in exchange for plans far better than my own imaginative mind could have imagined. It has cost periods of confusion and doubt, in exchange for deeper understanding, greater trust, and a stronger relationship with God. It has cost dark and windy nights out on the stormy sea to long for Jesus and walk on the water. It has cost me some friends and relationships, in exchange for making me a family member in the Kingdom of God. It has cost letting go of material things in exchange for never-ending provision that consistently boggles my mind.

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Further reading: The Cost of Discipleship, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German theologian and resister.

SINNERS AND SAINTS I

With little expectations - of people, situations, plans - we are more apt to show grace, and able to find so much more joy in the spontaneity of the unexpected things which come to pass.

THE WALL AHEAD

I once again find myself at a Wall that stands before me. As I saw it approaching on the horizon, my senses heightened, but I am not afraid. Now it is close enough to touch. It feels familiar. I have been to a Wall like this before. I know that somewhere along it, there is a door. So I put my hand on the Wall, choose a direction, and start walking. I feel the grooves of the stones under my fingertips as I calmly walk along it, knowing that it won't be long until I find the doorknob. 

I have been to a Wall like this before. 

In the past, its obstructive presence was not so welcoming. What is this giant obstacle? Where did it come from? I was doing just fine on the smooth, pretty path I was on. I have tried to climb over the Wall. The task only wore me out. The Wall once brought panic, as I searched it frantically, looking for something to grasp, looking for any way past it, pounding at it in frustration. I have been tempted to turn around and go back to where I came from. But I came from nothing good. I have sat down and given up at this Wall. I buried myself in its shadows as I mourned the loss of all that once lay before me.

Eventually, frustration turns into weary desperation, and the only thing you can do is be still. You've been emptied. Eventually, you have no choice but to get up, if you want to survive. You hold on to the Wall as you decide to surrender to your situation. Stay calm as you muster up your strength, and take courage as you walk along its undiscovered length. The journey will transform you.

You will eventually reach a door. 

And when you open it, you will pass through it like a new birth.

I have been to a Wall like this before.

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Inspired By: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Pete Scazerro -  founder of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality ministries.

Further Reading: The Dark Night of the Soul, St. John of the Cross

WELCOME IN

This blog is the result of many failed attempts to actually start one. It took years for the vision of this blog to finally reach a tangible shape. It took experiences that needed to happen. It took relationships that needed to form. I needed to learn how to move out of isolation and embrace community. Mostly, it took letting go of control - just letting life happen as I live among others who are asking the same questions, longing for the same things, and seeing how beautiful that is. Three years ago, amidst the scribbles of my own ideas, I wrote that I envisioned a positive, yet transparent community. That vision remains the same.

This blog is so much more than a place to share my own spiritual journey with others. It's a place where I can invite others to come share with me. I want to invite others, through a curative process, to be a part of the conversation and contribute thoughts, reflections, revelations, and wonders. How is God moving in you? What is God doing? What's burdening you? We don't have to wonder in isolation. We shouldn't. We can sojourn together. And learn from each other along the way. So come share. Come declare praise. Come ask questions. Come find comfort.

We observe a broken world. We know all too well the imperfect weight of our own humanity. Yet we believe in the transforming power of Love. We have experienced the beauty of what Christ has done. We see the beauty of a life rooted in Him. And if we haven't yet, I believe that longing is rooted deep within each one of us. I find so much beauty in our broken humanity. It is what unites the world. We are all human. Yet we are all created in the image of God. And we all long for what we were created for.

I envision this blog being a beautiful dialogue around one overarching question:
What does it mean to be human, in light of the Kingdom of God?

So for now I will leave it there.

I am excited to see how this project takes shape as I continue to grow and reflect, as I have conversations, and as I continue to learn from people both in my local community and around the world. 

Welcome in.